SPARTA News

October 2015

SPARTA President’s Corner

contributed by Randy Springs

This month’s meeting will be highlighted by Ed Webb’s presentation of information gathered at the August SHARE conference held in Orlando. Ed always has interesting and informative findings in a broad range of hardware and software areas, so plan to attend on Tuesday, October 6.

I will miss this meeting because I will be attending the IBM zEnterprise Technical University event in Orlando, which will probably include many of the same presentations given at SHARE. IBM already has the agenda portal available, and after indicating possible interest in all of the performance related sessions, my personal agenda is almost full. Since my company just completed our z/OS V2.1 upgrade and we are planning for an imminent z13 upgrade, I’m looking forward to hearing new ways to exploit both software and hardware to improve our online performance and batch throughput.

At our SPARTA meeting on December 1, I’ll be presenting on “What’s New in z/OS Performance and Tuning?” I'll be back for the November 3 meeting and look forward to seeing you then.

Randy Springs
BB&T

Future Speakers

(subject to change)

October 6, 2015 - SHARE Reports by SPARTA Members

November 3, 2015 - TBA

December 1, 2015 - What’s New in z/OS Performance and Tuning? by Randy Springs of BB&T

We need ideas and volunteers for future speakers. Presentations don’t have to be fancy, just informative and interesting. Even a 5 or 10 minute talk can start an interesting interaction. Contact Ron Pimblett by phone as noted below.

2015-2016 SPARTA

Board of Directors

Randy Springs - President

BB&T (919) 745-5241

3200 Beechleaf Court, Suite 300

Raleigh, NC 27604

Ron Pimblett - Vice President

MDI Data Systems 919-426-6518

866-634-3282

Raleigh, NC 27609

Mike Lockey - Secretary

Guilford Co. Information Services 336-641-6235

201 N. Eugene St.

Greensboro, NC 27401

Tommy Thomas - Treasurer

LabCorp 336-436-4178

3060 S. Church St.

Burlington, NC 27215

Ed Webb - Communications Director

SAS Institute Inc. 919-531-4162

SAS Campus Drive

Cary, NC 27513

Meetings

Meetings are scheduled for the first Tuesday evening of each month (except no meeting in January), with optional dinner at 6:15 p.m. and the meeting beginning at 7:00 p.m.

These monthly meetings usually are held at LabCorp’s Center for Molecular Biology and Pathology (CMBP) near the Research Triangle Park (see last page). Take I-40 to Miami Boulevard and go north. Turn right onto 1912 T.W. Alexander Drive. Go about a mile or so. Then turn right into LabCorp complex and turn Left to the CMBP Building. In the lobby, sign in as a visitor to see Tommy Thomas. Tommy will escort you to the conference room.

Call for Articles

If you have any ideas for speakers, presentations, newsletter articles, or are interested in taking part in a presentation, PLEASE contact one of the Board of Directors with your suggestions.

Newsletter e-Mailings

The SPARTA policy is to e-mail a monthly notice to our SPARTA-RTP Group. The newsletter is posted to the website about five (5) days before each meeting so you can prepare. The SPARTA-RTP Group is maintained by Chris Blackshire; if you have corrections or problems receiving your meeting notice, contact Chris at chrisbl@nc.rr.com.

November 2014 “CBT Tape” Shareware Online

The directory and files from the latest CBT tape V489 (dated November 12, 2014) are available from www.cbttape.org.

If you need help obtaining one or more files, contact Ed Webb at SAS (see Board of Director’s list for contact info).

Minutes of the August 4, 2015 Meeting

•Meeting was called to order at 7:04 PM by Randy Springs, the SPARTA President.

•The meeting was held at LabCorp in RTP, N.C.

•Fifteen (15) people were present of which Eleven (11) are 2015 members.

•Everyone in the room introduced themselves, told where they worked, and briefly described their job functions or their job hunting challenges.

•The minutes of the June 2015 meeting was approved as published in the July newsletter.

•The reading of the Treasurer's Report was given by Tommy Thomas, the Chapter Treasurer, as published in the July newsletter. The current balance of $735.87 was approved as read.

OLD BUSINESS

•Articles are needed for this newsletter. If you want to write an article for this newsletter, please contact Ed Webb. Keep in mind that you don't really need to write the article, it can be an article that you read that you would like to share with the membership.

•The SPARTA Web site is available at http://www.spartanc.org. Please send any comments or suggestions about the Web page to Mike Lockey. Be sure to check the Web site every once in a while to see any new or changed information.

•Tommy reminded everyone to leave the LabCorp conference room clean.

•Future Speakers and Topics (subject to change based on internal politics, budget, the weather):

Date	Company	Speaker	Topic
Sept 1, 2015	Baseball Night	Tommy Thomas	Bulls vs Gwinnett Braves
Oct 6, 2015	SPARTA members	Ed Webb and others?	Aug 9-14 SHARE Topics
Nov 3, 2015	Watson and Walker	Cheryl Watson or Frank Kyne	z Series Performance
Dec 1, 2015	BB&T	Randy Springs	What's New in Mainframe Performance Tuning -- z/OS, RMF, and Omegamon Updates

If you have suggestions about speakers and topics, contact Ron Pimblett (919-833-8426).

•The next SPARTA monthly meeting will be September 1, 2015 at the Durham Bulls Ballpark in Durham.

•Food for the September 4 meeting will be sub sandwiches.

NEW BUSINESS

•The 2015 dues ($30) were due starting in March 2015. Please pay Tommy Thomas.

•Thanks to LabCorp (Tommy Thomas) for hosting the meeting.

•There are currently 59 people on the SPARTA-RTP emailing list.

•Send any e-mail address changes to Chris Blackshire so he can update the SPARTA-RTP Listserv. You will be added by the moderator (Chris = SPARTA-RTP-owner@yahoogroups.com) sending you an invitation to Join the list.

•The business portion of the meeting ended about 7:50 p.m.

PRESENTATION

Luminex Mainframe Virtual Tape Solutions for z/OS by Bob Shapiro and Steve Martin of Luminex Software.

• Agenda

- Luminex At A Glance
- Pre-Sales Consulting
- Costomer Goals and Requirements
- MVT Solution Overview
- Support and Installation Services

• Luminex At A Glance
- 25+ years providing z/OS, z/VM & z/VSE virtual tape solutions worldwide
- Solutions scale seamlessly from entry level to the most demanding multi-PB datacenters
- World Alliance of VSE & VM (WAVV) Sponsor 2006 – 2014
- SHARE Sponsor 2000-2015
- IBM Business Partner
- - Strategic Partner for IBM ProtecTIER Mainframe Edition

• Luminex’s Heritage of Innovation
- 2005 1st to enable tape encryption solutions for mainframe physical tape
- 2006 1st to enable deduplication storage for mainframe virtual tape # Using Luminex DataStream Intelligence
- 2007 1st to enable DASD and tape data consistency through unified replication
- 2008 1st to provide 8Gb FICON for mainframe virtual tape
- 2009 1st & Only virtual tape vendor to directly provide tape migration services for z/OS w/o third-party contracting
- 2010 1st to provide replication monitoring at VOLSER level
- 2011 1st to deliver wire-speed FICON performance with CGX product release
- 2012 1st vendor to enable cloud storage for mainframe tape
- 2013 1st to provide truly scalable continuous availability with Luminex Synchronous Tape Matrix
- 2014 1st to provide cost effective mainframe virtual tape vaults as an alternative to physical tape vaults

• Customer Goals and Requirements
- Replace Aging Infrastructure
- Improve Disaster Recovery Plan
- Improve Data Security
- Reduce or Eliminate Physical Tape
- Reclaim Data Center Floor Space
- Higher Availability
- Reduce Costs
- Increase Performance / Efficiency

• Luminex Subject Matter Experts
- Consultants for all Mainframe Virtual Tape Options
- Luminex SEs are mainframe virtual tape subject matter experts
- - Pre-sales consulting & tape study/analysis is available
- - Sizing & configuration recommendations are available
- - They’ll architect the best solution & install it!
- Experts in replacement of existing mainframe physical & virtual tape products

• Luminex Tape Assessment
- MVT Sizing & Modeling
- Sizing # of Channel Gateways, Storage & Network Capacity
- Throughput Analysis (MBytes/sec)
- - RMF Channel Stats
- - SMF21 Records
- Storage Capacity Assessment
- - From Tape Management Catalog
- - By Category
- - By Application
- - By Last 45 Days of Activity
- - By Age

• Luminex Solutions vs. Physical Tape
- Enterprise-class Solutions for All Aspects of Mainframe Tape Use
- Less floor space required
- Less cost for physical tape maintenance, media, shipping and off site storage
- Less time required to test and restore during disaster recovery
- Less complexity for security, encryption and key management
- Less time and fewer IT resources to manage

• Luminex Solutions vs. Physical Tape
- Enterprise-class Solutions for All Aspects of Mainframe Tape Use
- More capability in a smaller footprint
- More storage options (including internal, external storage, cloud and remote vaulting)
- More security (no physical tapes to ship)
- More of the industry's leading disaster recovery options
- More powerful continuous availability options
- More value, efficiency and capability

• Luminex MVT Environment - How the Solution Works - 3 Parts
- Mainframe
- - Application transparent – non-intrusive
- - No MIPS required
- - z/OS, z/VM and z/VSE supported
- - Works well with all major tape management systems
- - SMS via MTL or Esoterics can be used
- - Optional host-based software for management
- Luminex MVT
- - CGX control unit software emulates 3490 or 3590 mainframe tape drives
- - “Wire Speed” up to 8 Gb/s FICON
- - Hardware compression option
- - DataStream Intelligence™ maximizes compression
- - Encryption and Key Management Option
- - Modular design makes adding additional capabilities easy and cost effective
- Storage
- - Internal, Fibre Channel or NFS attached
- - Mainframe tape volumes stored as standard files
- - RAID data protection
- - Replication for backup/DR
- - CloudTAPE ready

• Luminex MVT DR Environment - Production and DR Site Configuration
Production Site > Disaster Recovery Site
Production Luminex WAN Luminex DR
Mainframe MVT MVT Mainframe

• Luminex Replication for MVT
- Control unit-based replication engine
- Asynchronous
- Flexible policies for number of copies and locations
- - One-to-Many
- - Cascading
- Vaulting to the Cloud
- Advanced DR functionality included
- - RepMon replication monitoring and auditing
- - Push Button DR

• RepMon: Replication Monitor
- Provides real-time status monitoring and logging of virtual tape data writes and replication to a remote disaster recovery site at the VOLSER level
- Identifies Write and Replication Status of Mainframe Tape VOLSERs
- Identifies if virtual tape data at DR is still consistent with the primary datacenter
- Provides visual and audit capabilities to confirm when backups reach DR

• Push Button DR Testing
- Replication During Normal Operations (Replication to Secondary Site)
- Replication During DR Testing (alternate data with read/write testing)
- After DR Testing is Completed (DR Test Data is purged)

• Synchronous Tape Matrix (STM)
- Continuous Availability
- - Resilient architecture instantly and automatically adjusts to multiple failures without interruption
- - Data is always available for I/O
- - No downtime from failover or restore processes
- No idle components to buy
- - All components contribute to day-to-day operations, not just during failure events
- Easy to implement
- - No host scripts or policies required
- Scalable
- - No limitations for throughput, capacity or degrees of redundancy
- Modular design ensures investment protection
- Supports dissimilar storage systems and compression/deduplication technologies

• Configurations (extensive diagrams given, but not included here)
- Simplified STM Configuration with n-Sites
- Operational STM Configuration with Multiple Failures Across Layers and Sites

• CGSafe - Control Unit Based Encryption and Security
- Features
- - Encryption & key management at the control unit level
- - Eliminate costly encryption solutions based on mainframe MSUs
- - AES 256-bit encryption using GCM
- - Compression, encryption, and authentication in a single pass
- - Optionally integrates with existing encryption and key management infrastructure
- Benefits
- - Avoid risk of lost or stolen tapes
- - Protection from other data security issues
- - Integrates into existing key management infrastructure for a single-point-of-management

• CloudTAPE: Tape Vaulting to the Cloud
- Production Mainframe FICON Luminex MVT > Cloud (Local or Remote)
- DR Mainframe FICON Luminex MVT > Cloud (Local or Remote)

• Tape Migration Services and Software
- Luminex offers Tape Migration Services as part of the purchase and installation
- - Elegantly designed to work with TMACS to move tape data without touching the tape catalogs
- - Current VOLSER #s and all historical information are retained in the new environment as well
- - Supports all existing tape library and virtual tape environments for z/OS
- TMACS (Tape Monitoring and Allocation Control Software) is optional host-based software to automate device allocation steering for complex environments

• No TMS? No Problem! (Features for Manual Tape Operations)
- Browser-based GUI
- Manually load/unload virtual tape volumes on any available device
- Add/modify volume attributes
- - Add notes to create a virtual “sticky note”
- - Toggle a volume between "write" and "writeprotect" mode
- Statistical information on individual virtual tape VOLSERs
- - Volume label and metadata information
- - - i.e. storage pool, size, last access time, compression ratio, dsn, scratch status, user notes
- - Audit logs for replication status
- Four levels of functionality for different users
- - Admin, Operator, User, Support

• MVT Vault for Mainframe Data Protection
- A better alternative to physical tape vaults, including:
- - Compact, 2U (3.5”) Form Factor
- - Unprecedented Price Point
- - RAID Disk Storage
- - Remote Replication & Replication Monitoring at the VOLSER level
- - Inventory Auditing

• MVT Vault Series Use Cases
- 3rd Offsite Copy
- - For customers who already have virtual tape at production & DR sites
- - To meet out-of-region, SLA or other requirements
- 2nd Offsite Copy
- - For customers who don’t currently have a DR site
- Recovery Center Model
- - DR On Demand and testing at ADRCs

• Worldwide Support and Installation Services
- High level expertise applied early, operations restored sooner
- Remote or on-site installation services worldwide
- Immediate HW/SW assistance – 7x24x365
- Channel Gateways include remote access capability
- On-site hardware break/fix assistance within 4 hours

• Speaker Contact Information:
Robert Shapiro
Account Executive, Southeast Region
bshapiro@luminex.com
(770) 714-1008

Steve Martin
Systems Engineer
smartin@luminex.com
(336) 391-3020

• The presentation and meeting ended about 9:15 P.M.

Treasurer’s Report for October 2015

contributed by Tommy Thomas

The balance in the account is $603.48 as of September 21, 2015.

SPARTA Financial Report
3/01/2015 through 09/21/2015

INCOME

Opening Balance	289.87
Total Deposits
Dues	770.00
TOTAL INCOME	$1,059.87

EXPENSES
Food	356.56
Web Site	0.00
Petty Cash	235.00
xfer to Petty Cash	0.00
Bank Service Charge	0.00
TOTAL EXPENSE	$600.56

BANK BALANCE Fidelity	459.31
PETTY CASH	144.17
TOTAL CASH	$603.48

Items of Interest

SPARTA Schedule and Menu for 2015

contributed by Tommy Thomas and Chris Blackshire

Oct. 6 - BarBQ
Nov. 3 - Pizza
Dec. 1 - Subs

What’s Wrong With the Mainframe?

contributed by Ed Webb

Chris O’Malley is CEO of Compuware. With nearly 30 years of IT experience, he is deeply committed to leading Compuware’s transformation into the “mainframe software company for the next 50 years.”

"Something is wrong with the mainframe. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize what it is.

One piece of evidence that something is wrong with the mainframe is the near-total absence of positive media coverage regarding the platform. This is definitely odd given the fact that the mainframe remains the transaction engine of choice for the global economy.

However, very little of the rhetoric surrounding the mainframe seems to be based on an accurate, empirical understanding of the platform’s real issues. That’s why it may be useful to first review a few things that are not wrong with the mainframe:

The mainframe is not too expensive. ....

The mainframe is not a security problem. ....

The mainframe is not a migration problem. ...."

Read the rest of Chris's thought-provoking comments here.

Big Lie Revealed: Commodity Servers Not Cheaper Than Mainframe

contributed by Ed Webb

Chris O'Malley, the CEO of Compuware, has authored another provocative article about the mainframe.

"For decades, CIOs have been sold the Big Lie that running workloads on commodity servers is cheaper than running them on the mainframe.

Recent studies by Gartner Senior Adviser and MIT Associate Dr. Howard Rubin, however, reveal what many of us knew all along: Ownership of commodity infrastructure is so horrifically expensive—especially when we try to achieve mainframe-like levels of reliability, security and scale—that it’s far more economical to simply stay on the mainframe.

In fact, according to Rubin’s research, total infrastructure costs are 60% higher at companies that depend heavily on commodity servers than they are at mainframe-centric companies. IT costs per dollar of goods are also 41% higher at server-centric companies than at mainframe-centric ones.

Commodity servers, in other words, are more expensive than the mainframe. A lot more expensive."

Read Chris's explanation in this Enterprise Systems Media article.

SHARE Registration and Hotel Reservations for San Antonio in Feb. 2016

contributed by Ed Webb

SHARE is off to San Antonio, Texas for its winter meeting February nn-March mm, 2016. And Early Bird Registration and Hotel Reservations can be made now.
Tip: If there's any chance your employer will send you to SHARE in San Antonio, book your room now (there's no charge and no penalty if you cancel in time). Rooms at the SHARE rate go faster than plane seats or registrations.

See the San Antonio details at SHARE.

IBM Education Assistance for z/OS V2.2 Goodies

contributed by Ed Webb

Marna Walle of IBM has posted a couple of items of interest to z Systems Programmers.

"We've got about 100 small, and maybe not so small, education modules about specific line items in z/OS V2.2. These education modules are complete in that you can find out everything you needed to know about that one item in a single location. This is different than the way you might have been learning about new functions in the operating system previously: looking up in the Introduction and Release Guide about what is new, then digging around in one or several books to get the complete picture of what the function is."

Her blog post about a series of Assistance modules for changes in z/OS 2.2 is here or go directly to the modules here.

"...if you are like me, you want to have all the z/OS V2.2 PDFs handy. As you might have heard me say, I'm a heavy PDF user nowadays :). Well, the newly zipped up file of all the z/OS V2.2 books is available! Go to the IBM Publications Center (http://www-05.ibm.com/e-business/linkweb/publications/servlet/pbi.wss). The key piece of information you'll need is the publication number for the "ZIP of 7/28 IBM z/OS V2R2 PDF Documentation". That publication number is SC27-8430; search on this number. Right now, it's at the -00 level for this zip."

Be sure to review the Indexes Demystified comment in the V2.2 zipped post for cool new indexing capabilities.

Recap Durham Bulls VS Gwinnett Braves

contributed by Chris Blackshire

01Sep2015 - The Durham Bulls erased an early two-run deficit for a 6-3 win over the Gwinnett Braves Tuesday night at the DBAP, winning their third straight game and capping their six-game homestand with four wins.

After three scoreless innings to begin the ballgame, the G-Braves (72-65) plated the game's first runs in the top of the fourth. Mallex Smith led off the inning with a single and promptly stole second base, before a sacrifice bunt advanced him to third. Joey Terdoslavich then singled home Smith for a one-run lead, and after a throwing error sent Terdoslavich to third base he scored on a sacrifice fly off the bat of Sean Kazmar.

The Bulls (70-68) came right back in the bottom of the fourth though, starting when Nick Franklin launched a solo homer into the right field seats to lead off the frame. After a groundout, Joey Rickard doubled, and scored three batters later when Jose Constanza singled to right field to tie the contest. Ryan Brett then followed with a double to left field to score Mayo Acosta, putting Durham in front 3-2.

In the fifth the home side extended its lead by two, as Rickard's sacrifice fly to center scored Corey Brown, and Jake Elmore's single plated Franklin for a three-run advantage. The G-Braves struck for a run in the eighth on a bases-loaded walk, but in the bottom of the stanza Brown singled to drive home Brett to give the Bulls a 6-3 lead.

Left-hander Scott Diamond (11-5) picked up the victory by allowing two runs (one earned) on four hits over 7 1/3 frames, winning his first start since early July. Righty Parker Markel allowed a run in the eighth inning, before Robert Zarate picked up his first professional save with a perfect ninth inning. Former Tampa Bay farmhand Victor Mateo (3-3) took the loss, surrendering five runs on 11 hits over five innings.

Brown extended his hitting streak to a season-high eight games with a two-hit night, while Brett went 4-for-5 to lead Durham's 15-hit attack. Making his Triple-A debut, Cameron Seitzer went 2-for-5 for Durham, while Jose Constanza went 2-for-5 with an RBI out of the leadoff spot in his Durham debut.

Humor

Only One Can of Peaches

contributed by Chris Blackshire

A very cranky woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.
The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?"
The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach."
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?"
The husband said meekly, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."

Strange Thoughts

contributed by Chris Blackshire

I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named "Sag Harbor."

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 195 lbs. I've gained.

I'm getting kind of tired of always slowly raising my hand when someone asks, "Who does something like that?!?"

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?

Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this will be his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole time.

The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's coming.

Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' .....If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... your life sucks!

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I need.....not all this, "how did you get in my house" business!

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....Pretty sure she's going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. ...This is upsetting news to me............ I had no idea I was Japanese.

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their nose?

When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider. Just so I can finally hear a women say "Oh my God, it's huge!"

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

contributed by Chris Blackshire

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

10. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

12. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

13. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Dead Duck

contributed by Chris Blackshire

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

Membership Information

Don’t Forget the Next SPARTA Meeting

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

7 p.m.

Location: LabCorp in RTP

Take I-40 to Miami Boulevard and go north. Turn right onto 1912 T.W. Alexander Drive. Go about a mile or so. Then turn right into LabCorp complex and turn left to the CMBP Building. In the lobby, sign in as a visitor to see Tommy Thomas. Tommy will escort you to the conference room.

Free Food: BarBQ

Program:

SHARE 2015 in Orlando

Speaker:

Ed Webb of SAS

SPARTA News

P.O. Box 13194

Research Triangle Park, NC 27709-3194

First Class Postage

SPARTA Corporate Sponsors: